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ARTS AND CULTURE

Painful memories of my schooldays

  • 27 May 2015

When I look back over my school days, it is hardly a history of good times. It was more a place of torture, with great physical and mental pain.

I remember being hit at with a hockey stick. This hurt almost as much as being told to stick it when I tried to enter and join in close, tight-knit groups.

I was forced to stoop, in all sorts of ways. All my efforts came to nothing, even when I gave the girls money to buy lollies, and lent them my Sweet Dreams teenage romance novels (pictured), which I never got back.

How I wish my days at high school, particularly those spent in my last co-ed school, had been just like in the Sweet Dreams books, where – in my imagination – I was liked and accepted by everyone, and even made the other girls jealous with my gorgeous boyfriend.

When I think of school, all the bad memories come flooding back. There were times where I hated school so much that I would avoid going altogether, or pretend to be unwell and hide away in the sick bay.

During my schooldays, I was kept at bay. At one school, I felt as miserably grey and blue as my uniforms. I was often picked on for my poor form, especially when playing sport. One girl said I ran like a pansy. Other girls would call me retarded. It was no wonder  that I would often run late to class. I became used to girls moving their desks away when I tried to come close to them. In many ways, I had to learn to entertain myself.

I would often go to the library, where I would avidly read books and magazines. This was my escape while I was eating the last scraps of my lunch alone in secret. In many ways, I felt like I was leading a secret life just like many people do today, on the internet pretending to be someone they are not.

I hid behind my books. I imagined myself as a beautiful romantic heroine, or stunning model on the front cover of a magazine. As I kept fantasising, I felt I had the whole world, or at least the most popular boy, like putty in my hands.

I think about the cyber bulling today. Many people get lost on the internet. It is a world that fosters deceit, with many people posting false