St Valentine's Day is always painful for frustrated lovers. It cruelly reminds them of what they want but have not got, and may never get.
Some go to great lengths to attempt a partnership with the person who is the object of their unrequited desire. Others work at rekindling a relationship which their impulsive actions may have ended.
An example of the latter is actor Matthew Newton. The Murdoch tabloids reported last week that 'a forlorn hope of rekindling his destroyed relationship with actress Rachael Taylor allegedly led Matt Newton to bombard her with dozens of text messages'.
Impulsive behaviour that disrupts or ends a relationship frequently does not extinguish the love that was its binding agent, at least from one side. The one whose behaviour was recognised as impulsive often goes away to 'deal with his (or her) demons', with a view to re-establishing the relationship, or not making the same 'mistakes' next time.
'Demons' is a convenient catch-all term that is often used by those reluctant to venture into what is dangerous and largely unknown territory. It is nevertheless quite apt. It does not carry a stigma, and it implicitly recognises the role of mental illness in the break up of some relationships (and indeed the inability to form them, if that's the case). It leaves intact the image of fundamental goodness that attaches to each human person.
Moreover 'dealing with demons' suggests courage, rather than the cowardice that has most likely been linked to the impulsive behaviour that has killed the relationship. Some people 'fall' in love, and this leads to a relationship that sustains the rest of their lives. Others must climb a mountain, stumbling along the way, before reaching the right combination of love and relationship that will give them what they want out of life.
Such courage is more worthy of celebration than the idealised and commercialised version of love associated with the day. As it has evolved, St Valentine's Day has it that those who are 'in love' are winners, while those 'out of love' are losers.
We need to cancel St Valentine's Day and find a 'real' saint, one whom we know dealt effectively with the demons that were getting in the way of his or her object of desire. There are many candidates, and this rationale has a genuine Christian ring to it. Much more than the vapourous Valentine, who does not even exist on the Calendar