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Author: Isabella Fels

  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    Grey matters

    • Isabella Fels
    • 13 June 2019
    6 Comments

    Trying to pursue unattainable things in life can be felt in ones bones — and I'm not just talking about my early onset osteoporosis. Along the way there are many bumps and humps, and much wear and tear. I despair at my prominent varicose veins, which no longer allow me to feel vain.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    How I learned not to drive

    • Isabella Fels
    • 06 July 2018
    6 Comments

    My instructor didn't understand my mental illness. I began to dread all the many never ending driving lessons, spoiled by his quick temper and my clashing negativity. I kept sliding backwards instead of forwards. Either too slow or too fast, according to my volatile moods. I could never get out of the woods.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    Material girls in an addiction fuelled world

    • Isabella Fels
    • 12 December 2017
    6 Comments

    My astute mother was the first to suspect Maggie of taking and selling my clothes to fund her addiction. After that, my friendship with Maggie fell apart. I began to hate her and wanted nothing to do with her. This year, that all suddenly changed.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    Television, radio, pancakes and God

    • Isabella Fels
    • 24 October 2017
    1 Comment

    Looking at this television certainly gives me a view of life.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    My hospital visit

    • Isabella Fels
    • 26 June 2017
    4 Comments

    Lying here in this hole, I try to feel whole, trying to do as I am told, making a few bold moves, as I swing out of bed, and hang onto my mobility devices - which I am getting the hang of, almost like learning how to drive a car - and showing lots of drive. In bed, not even well read, just eating bread, staring right ahead. As you help me pack up my things I no longer feel stuck in the same place, falling steadily in many different ways, no longer feeling the sun's rays ...

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    Hardline on soft drink

    • Isabella Fels
    • 02 May 2017
    8 Comments

    In my late 20s when I became seriously unwell and diagnosed with schizophrenia, Coca-Cola was like an ever flowing fountain of happiness for me. How I loved sipping it. I would even quickly down it with my meds. I could feel life getting better and speeding up. Having Coke was magic. But lately, with all the publicity surrounding the dangers of drinking fizzy, sugary soft drinks, I am trying to cut down. It is not easy trying to fight an almost lifelong addiction.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    Learning to love not needing men

    • Isabella Fels
    • 11 April 2017
    9 Comments

    In the sorry past when it came to men I could hardly say amen. I had really been messed up, not blessed, by them. I'm well over 40 now and no man has ever gone down on bended knee. I was always being put to the test. Not just in looks but in the superwoman contest. I tried to be everything to them and more, yet failed miserably as I was shown the door time and time again. Nothing worked no matter how hard I worked. But lately, I have changed my way of thinking.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    My 102 year old grandmother

    • Isabella Fels, Peter Gebhardt
    • 16 August 2016
    3 Comments

    Is she 2 or 102? She can be either. My grandmother sometimes she looks at me in silence with wide naïve eyes. Other times pearls of wisdom seep from her heart: 'Forgive and forget my sweetheart Isabella. Chocolate is your enemy. A good salad is your friend my precious Isabella. Don't do unto others what you don't want done to you my cherished Isabella.' I hold her warm hand. She understands me. She completes me, now that my mother her daughter has left us behind.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    My own personal recession

    • Isabella Fels
    • 18 November 2015
    5 Comments

    My recession digs deep. In many ways I cannot take a leap as I would if I had heaps of money. How I would love to buy all sorts of goodies and never deny myself anything! How I wish I could be given a handout and make easy money, and throw money around everywhere I go! I feel myself learning the value of money the more I yearn for the dollar. In many ways it makes me feel stronger to make my money last longer, rather than constantly being lured by the dollar, and being easy fodder.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    Love's twists and turns

    • Isabella Fels
    • 28 July 2015
    4 Comments

    How I love spending good quality time with you | You twist yourself around me giving me no space. I just want to hurl you into space | You're leaving, that's a fact, you said it straight out, with hardly any tact | I'm so alone being without you, I can still feel your glare | Thank you for giving me your love.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    Middle age suits me just fine

    • Isabella Fels
    • 22 July 2015
    10 Comments

    Ageing. Looks fading. No longer able to wear the clothes from my early twenties. Feeling slovenly and matronly but enjoying the respect I never got when I was young. Deep down I love being called Madam. In middle age, I feel much more empowered and no longer so cowered towards authority.

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  • ARTS AND CULTURE

    Painful memories of my schooldays

    • Isabella Fels
    • 27 May 2015
    9 Comments

    It was a place of torture, with great physical and mental pain. I remember being hit at with a hockey stick. I was forced to stoop, in all sorts of ways. All my efforts came to nothing, even when I gave the girls money to buy lollies, and lent them my Sweet Dreams teenage romance novels.

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