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Just browsing?

Even Google cannot find the alleged stash of Weapons of Mass Destruction. A visit to Google’s UK site www.google.co.uk, entering Weapons of Mass Destruction in the search field, and clicking on ‘I’m feeling lucky’ reveals the following message: Cannot find Weapons of Mass Destruction.

These Weapons of Mass Destruction cannot be displayed. The weapons you are looking for are currently unavailable. The country might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your Weapons Inspectors mandate.

Please try the following:

• Click the  Regime Change button, or try again later.
• If you are George W. Bush and typed the country’s name in the address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly­: IRAQ.
• To check your weapons inspector

settings, click the UN menu and then click Weapons Inspector Options. On the Security Council tab, click Consensus. These settings should match those provided by your government or NATO.
• If the Security Council has enabled it, the United States of America can examine your country and automatically discover Weapons of Mass Destruction. If you would like to use the CIA to try and
discover them, click  Detect Weapons.
• Some countries require 128 thousand troops to liberate them. Click the Panic menu and then click About US Foreign Policy to determine what regime will be installed.
• If you are an Old European Country
trying to protect your interests, make sure your options are left wide open as long as possible. Click the Tools menu, and then click on League of Nations. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Head in the Sand section and check settings for your exports to Iraq.
• If you are Donald Rumsfeld, click the Bomb button.

Chicken run

Europe has long displayed such ingenuity and elegance in manufacturing Church–State crises that it is difficult in this area now to be innovative. But a Dutch abbey has broken new ground by sending their chooks on a long vacation. When the Chicken Inspectors visited the abbey to check their birds for avian flu, Sr Mary refused to let them in. Nor would she tell them where the chickens were.

They reported her to the police who took her to jail so that she could help them with their enquiries. She remained silent. So did her Abbess who, however, explained, ‘We respect life, even if it’s only chickens, and we don’t let the ministry destroy them for purely economic reasons.’ S11 is said to be interested in the affair.

Ring ‘dem bells 2

Echoing the bell-ringing debacle in NSW (Eureka Street, June 2003), it seems the Scots too are having their troubles in adapting to the modern age.

‘St Francis Xavier’s Church in Hope Street, Falkirk, has introduced a hi-tech bell system, digitally recorded from Dublin’s famous Augustinian church. The original bells were cast in 1872 at Murphy’s Foundry in Thomas Street and the Falkirk church is introducing them to a much wider audience than was ever envisaged. The bells were rung for the first time at the Easter weekend and since then they have been heard daily before each Mass and for the Angelus, a traditional devotional prayer said at noon. They will also sound for weddings and funerals.’




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