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Do Australians hate Americans? No, because Americans invented basketball. What do Australians eat? Yeast paste. It tastes like someone ground up a penguin and then left it in the rain for a month before adding rubber and dirt to it.
Predictions that massive numbers of Anglicans will become Catholic seem far-fetched. Certainly, the Anglican communion is sharply divided by proposals to ordain women Bishops and to ordain as Bishops men in openly homosexual relationships. But only some of those opposed would feel any attraction to Rome.
America has grown so used to triumphing in the conflicts of the 1990s that mere stasis is now easily viewed as retreat. But from Teddy Roosevelt to Barack Obama, each time America has become blind to the limitations of its power, it has been wrenched back to reality by failure.
The Australian Anglican Church is divided on questions of women's ordination, sexuality, lay presidency and liturgical texts. But the recent assembly in Melbourne was relatively polite, although the question of the conservative, evangelical Sydney Diocese's relationship with the rest was never far from the surface.
One of Australia's most eminent theologians, Redemptorist Anthony Kelly, believes that what currently feels like a global breakdown of beliefs and culture may actually be the beginnings of a breakthrough to new forms of belief.
Christmas is a time for hospitality, and hospitality is central in the Christian tradition. You may not have thought this was so when, recently, the Anglican Church in Bendigo, Vic., was denied the use of a Catholic cathedral for the ordination of four female deacons.
Pope Benedict XVI's recent Apostolic Constitution Anglicanorum coetibus (‘Groups of Anglicans’) moves the pastoral openness of Vatican II towards a ‘Rome is right’ mentality. This is disturbing and dangerous, not only for Anglicans, but for Roman Catholics themselves.
Tim Fischer, Australian Ambassador to the Vatican, has a vital role in a state he calls a hub of power and intelligence. One can't help but wonder if Cardinal George Pell thinks he, rather than Fischer, should be Rudd's man in the Vatican.
Liberal Roman Catholics have particular reason to be perturbed at the influx of ex-Anglicans driven not by ecumenical zeal, but by dogged adherence to positions on women's ordination or human sexuality which bespeak a broader conservatism.
If the Apostolic Constitution is phrased in overly-confident 'Romanista' style it will communicate a bureaucratic message and reinforce the suspicion that 'ecumenical endeavour' means 'return to Rome', rather than the vision of every Christian tradition being converted to unity.
Men who stood before the gate .. trail the weight of empty hands, empty pockets .. Back to the shanties .. Where children are launching imagined craft .. Away from the stench of earth .. Into pools .. the colour of Keen's Mustard.
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