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A guide to the men you'll meet in the wild

  • 21 June 2019


With the global population consisting of 3.5 billion men, it can take time to sort out the good guys from the self-appointed 'good guys'. And when too many men (but not all) are quick to separate themselves from the Genuinely Sexist Monsters That Only Constitute One Per Cent  Of The Male Species™, the process just becomes exhausting. How can you quickly tell if someone's alright or alt-right? To save you some time, here's a handy guide to identifying the stale males in your life that are probably definitely worth ignoring — from the overtly creepy to the covertly misogynistic.

Barry the Keyboard Warrior: Barry thinks being called out on his sexist behaviour is an attack on his freedom of speech because 'everyone is entitled to their own opinions'. All opinions are equal, except for the ones belonging to the leftie snowflakes who get bent out of shape and play the victim when they're confronted with the truth. Barry's not easily 'triggered' like the aforementioned snowflakes, but his emotional strength was challenged after he saw the Gillette ad.

Dylan the Topic Changer: Dylan is the kind of guy who consistently points out that 'men have it worse' when a report on female victims of sexual assault or domestic violence is released. His concern for male domestic violence victims seems to reveal itself only on International Women's Day. Ever the sceptic, Dylan also believes that misogyny doesn't exist anymore because women have the right to vote. This didn't stop Dylan from Googling 'prejudice against men' to find out if there was anything in life that was holding him back.

Harry the Boomer: Usually middle-aged, Harry is one of your dad's best friends or your best friend's dad. He's the kind of guy who thinks it's 'political correctness gone mad' when told that catcalling is harassment. It's just insane that 'oi sweetheart' and the odd pat on the bum is considered sexual harassment. You just can't talk to women anymore! They don't know how to take a compliment! To be fair, it takes time for people like Harry to adapt to new ideas. It took him two weeks to learn how to send a text message. Give him a decade and he might comprehend bodily autonomy.

Peter the Minister For Women: Let's be clear about one thing: Peter definitely respects women. He has lots of female friends (Beth from Work and Lizzie the Housemate) and he likes his