It has come to my attention that men have no grasp of the meaning of patriarchy. Or misogyny. Or feminism.
Not all men, of course. But many men. Enough men that when I (unwisely) log onto Twitter and jump into conversations on the subject I find myself dismayed by the nonsensical comebacks, the inability of so many commentators to comprehend the difference between an entrenched structure and their individual selves.
When yet another woman was murdered — Melburnian Courtney Herron, who was homeless — the topic of male violence started trending. In one of the most incisive comments on what is an all-too-frequent occurrence, Victoria's Police Commissioner Luke Cornelius said it was time for men to start taking responsibility for the violence. 'Violence against women is absolutely about men's behaviour,' he said. Men — not all men, but many of them — took immediate umbrage.
The most high-profile of them, television commentator Joe Hildebrand, insisted that the tiny proportion of men who murder women couldn't possibly be extrapolated to the vast majority of 'good men'. Others sought to locate an alternative foe: homelessness, they said, had facilitated Herron's murder; or psychopathy, which is rare and unpreventable; or women, since they give birth to sons and so must assume responsibility for those who go on to kill.
In short, these men were distancing themselves from violence fomented by a patriarchal system which separates boys from their caring attributes by invoking that now-famous clarion call 'not all men!' A response which affirms individual men's guiltlessness, while failing to address the broader structural problem in which their gender is complicit.
To be sure, there are men who will forever shut out dialogue, who will never accept that they live in a structure which preferences them, disadvantages women and nurtures male violence in insidious ways. But if most men are, as Hildebrand says, 'good', then surely there must be a way in which we can convince them of these facts — and encourage them to do their part in dismantling what is an inherently discriminatory and injurious system.
Yet too often when women attempt to engage 'good' men in the discourse they are shut down, argued with, offered examples of why women are just as bad (if not worse) than men. It has occurred to me during many such conversations that the opposing camps are speaking different languages. Few men seem to grasp the meaning of words such as 'patriarchy', 'sexism' and 'misogyny'; their understanding is based not on definitions and empirical facts but on the pervasive contemporary message that feminists hate men and sexism isn't linked to violence.
"At the very least they should acknowledge that they're inseparable from the patriarchy — and have a greater capacity than women to address its shortcomings."
It makes sense that women would have a more comprehensive understanding of these terms and the structures they represent, since they have been both prejudiced under them and armed by the feminist movement with facts about the patriarchal system we all live in and how it disempowers them (and ultimately harms men).
Men, on the other hand, have little reason to interrogate a system of which they are the chief beneficiaries. Consequently, when it comes to debating with women, they often do so from a position of ignorance. Few take the time to examine the precepts under discussion so they can better understand them. If they did, the conversation would be far more productive.
Assuming then these 'good' men are open to being educated about the issue, whose job is it to provide the lessons? Unsurprisingly, men suggest it's the job of women; of the disadvantaged to explain to the privileged why the discrepancy is unfair. Social media is full of encounters in which men instruct women to 'bring them along' or get them on side — but only in ways they approve of (which is of course an example of sexism).
Yet never has it been so easy for men to educate themselves; libraries are filled with books on gender studies, feminism and patriarchy; the internet is deluged with studies, papers and articles pertaining to these subjects; but still it's women who are expected to take on the labour of schooling men in the complexities of a male-dominated world. As feminist writer Jessica Valenti says, 'We should not have to "bring you along"; you should be outraged already.'
So while not all men are at fault, a great number of them are guilty of denying the problem exists or refusing to properly engage with it. At the very least they should acknowledge that they're inseparable from the patriarchy — and have a greater capacity than women to address its shortcomings.
Catherine Marshall is a Sydney-based journalist and travel writer.
Main image: A makeshift shrine to Courtney Herron at Royal Park in Melbourne. (Photo by Darrian Traynor/Getty Images)