I was told in grade nine I shouldn't bother trying out for the lead of our school play, The Wizard of Oz, because there's no way Dorothy would be Asian.
I was told this by my supposed best friend. She had two neat blond plaits and wanted to be the lead in the play herself.
Though I had no intention of trying out for the play, the fact that she told me not to bother made me arc up. The reason she gave — my incongruous Asianness — made me feel angry and ashamed. Angry because it was stupid and unfair. Ashamed because it felt somehow like it was my fault for not being white enough.
This is the first time I've ever shared this story of high school marginalisation publicly. I almost submitted it as part of a non-fiction story for Growing up Asian in Australia (2008), edited by Alice Pung, when the call for contributions surfaced. I was so excited that an anthology like that was coming together.
My experience of stories or characters I could relate to through my schooling in Australia from year two to 12 was minimal. I think there may have been a silent Chinese cook in A. B. Facey's A Fortunate Life, but reflections of the Australian communities I recognised were nonexistent. So, I started writing the story, had covered ten pages of my notebook with it, then I stopped.
I felt like it had all been said before. It felt like my small stories of not belonging, or being on the outside, were so common. I'd researched in the area of Asian Australian narratives for many years by that stage. Along the way, I'd also read many novels, short stories, and other literature from Asian Canadians and Asian Americans. Many of them included signal moments of stereotyping, racial abuse, and bullying.
What did I have to say that was new? This feeling stopped me for many years from writing about my personal experiences as an Asian Australian. I told myself I didn't need to — others were doing it, after all — and I was researching and publishing in Asian Australian Studies and had been for more than ten years. My personal story was irrelevant.
Then I pulled my head out of the academic bubble it was in and realised that these stories and their nuances were not at all common in broader public sphere or in the minds of those who did not live as racial minorities in our society. These stories need telling and re-telling, not only so our literature and public culture has as much representation and diversity of perspectives as it can get, but also because reading and hearing these stories is important for the cultural communities themselves.
"Their stories were not always ones I could relate to but they unfolded for me more layers of what it means to be Asian Australian."
These communities may not always hear these stories, or they may actively dismiss them. Though they are the targets of stereotyping and abuse, the attitude of just getting on with it and not causing a fuss, or 'proving' the racists wrong through attaining measures of success, is pervasive. It can feel like a case of not talking about the hurt or damage that is done as this would show weakness, or make you seem ungrateful.
When Pung's anthology came out, eight years ago now, I devoured it cover to cover. Many of the contributors were known to me, and many more I'd never read or met before. Their stories were not always ones I could relate to but they unfolded for me more layers of what it means to be Asian Australian. Just reading Pung's original introduction (not published with the anthology) will show you what I mean. The anthology is now widely embraced and on the school curriculum, and many who wrote for it have gone on to develop or continue their creative careers in Australia.
All these cultural infusions have wide-ranging effects, a key one being that they create space for conversations about different ways of being Asian Australian rather than fighting to have such an identity even recognised.
Tseen Khoo is a lecturer at La Trobe University and founder/convenor of the Asian Australian Studies Research Network (AASRN), a network for academics, community researchers, and cultural workers who are interested in the area of Asian Australian Studies. She tweets as @tseenster.