In the sorry past when it came to men I could hardly say amen. I had really been messed up, not blessed, by them. I'm well over 40 now and no man has ever gone down on bended knee. I also have never got more than a rusty ring or even got them to sing my praises.

I was always being put to the test. Not just in looks but in the superwoman contest. I tried to be everything to them and more, yet failed miserably as I was shown the door. Nothing worked no matter how hard I worked.
I tried everything to win over men. Invested time and effort into looking good. Was deep and well read so that I could hold down the best of conversations. Did everything for them including the cooking and the dishes. I insisted on going Dutch, but in the end paid for everything. I went for paupers who put me out every time we stepped out.
I am a giver but wish sometimes I could receive. In the past I felt all the time that each relationship was not only driving me around the bend but also soon coming to an end. Certainly not a fairy tale end. There were plenty of frogs in the pond, but I felt no strong bonds.
I often dreamt of having a stunning wedding gown but always ended up in my terry towelling dressing gown. Seen only by me. And let's not mention my sexy black knickers for my eyes only.
I thought this was my fate. I felt third rate as I tried to comfort myself with home brand fruitcake, instead of the towering iced wedding cake with a smiling bride and groom on top. Stuff dreams are made of. However not for me.
I am trying to change my way of thinking. I am a woman with the fate to live a solo life. I think now how this could be great. Who needs men with fake watches, rings, tans and even identities? The more I get to know them the more I know there never will be any wedding plans, or even fun plans for the weekend.
I used to think that not having the perfect partner and children reflected badly on me. I now realise we can still live deep and meaningful lives doing our own thing rather than having a fling.
"That nagging sensation of needing to be fulfilled by another has gone."
For me this means living in my own flat at a longterm psychiatric residence, with 14 fellow residents around me and a good support network. We are all happy and relaxed just being friends. It's a great opportunity to spend quality time with both women and men.
Living in my supported accommodation has been one of the best things that has happened to me in my adulthood. It has matured my outlook and thoughts on what is the ideal lifestyle. It has helped me find peace and balance in my life. We can all go out raving or chill out together. That nagging sensation of needing to be fulfilled by another has gone.
It is a new beginning, not the beginning of the end.
Isabella Fels is a Melbourne poet and writer. She has been published in various publications including Positive Words, The Big Issue and The Record.