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My hospital visit



Frantically packing at the last minute
Packing shit
Losing all my wits
Over how to pack in an organised fashion
All my latest fashions

Sitting on my bum
Is not that much fun

In my hospital gown
I hardly stun

You taking my dirty plates out
And laundry
Leaves me in a bad state

As you come into
The room
I am filled with doom
You no longer feel like my groom

How I love being wheeled around by you
It is part of the deal and ordeal

As I feel your presence
I can feel your very essence
I never want our session to finish
You are my great obsession

As you tell me you are single
I feel you are telling me something
Yet significant

Feeling like an invalid
No longer valid
Receiving no admiration
Or adulation

Please don't hang up on me
I'll hang myself or at least
Gang up on you
If you do

Freaking out as I
Sneak out into the night
And let myself have a peek of you
And even a bite of you

You yelled at me my fellow
For being so soft and shallow

Looking at this set of pencils
Given to me as part of my mindfulness exercise to colour in
I fancy myself as a bit of an artist
Even though
The only thing I do is to draw the curtains

How glad I am not to have to bear this dreadful drill
That rings so shrill
Against my will
When I am so ill

No longer so down
As I take off my hospital gown
And become alive again
Discarding this depressing hospital gown

As I stoop down before you
I try not to let my boobs droop
As I unashamedly try to woo you
And take you for all your loot

It's so hard to be serious
Even when you're so devious and mischievous

As I dissolve this tablet into water
I almost drift away

I feel myself sinking lower and lower
Into a sea of blood and blasphemy

Drinking pure water
I hope to not turn into a puritan
But a humanitarian instead

Lying here in this hole
I try to feel whole
Trying to do as I am told
Making a few bold moves
As I swing out of bed
And hang onto my mobility devices
Which I am getting the hang of
Almost like learning how to
Drive a car
And showing lots of drive

In bed
Not even well read
Just eating bread
Staring right ahead

As you help me pack up my things
I no longer feel stuck in the same place

Falling steadily in many different ways
No longer feeling the sun's rays

Taking your crap
Unable to get off your lap
Feeling trapped
Even when smacked
I can really feel your strap and slap

Sending you a present
Even when I am not present
I hope you won't resent me
For not treating you as gently as when
I wrapped up your present
This being our only contact


Isabella FelsIsabella Fels is a Melbourne poet and writer. She has been published in various publications including Positive Words, The Big Issue and The Record.

Topic tags: Isabella Fels, poetry, health



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Existing comments

Great work isabella always great to read your work your the best! God bless xxxx

Helen kilias | 26 June 2017  

Always worth reading you, Isabella, even when in pain. Hang on in there dear lady; get well. Very best wishes.

Eugene | 27 June 2017  

Great read from a friend far away

Jacinta | 27 June 2017  

Such moving poetry, well done Isabella! Best wishes!

Tatyana | 28 June 2017  

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