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The challenges of self-assessment

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My kids brought their report cards home last month. I’d been thinking about the election campaign, and about society’s obsession with productivity. I’d been wondering how ‘the unemployed’ and ‘pensioners’ might feel — like a burden? Like a problem to be solved?

I’d been thinking about my own productivity too as an employee, as a freelancer, as a parent; about what left me feeling satisfied, worthy, competent, or guilty, unproductive, unfulfilled.

I’m convinced we should value people for who they are, not what they do, or don’t or cannot do. And yet I catch myself, thinking about, talking about, how much I have or haven’t done on any given day; forgetting to reflect on how I have behaved, on the kind of parent, wife, colleague, friend, daughter, neighbour, stranger, that I’ve been.

Such thoughts were on my mind when those reports landed on our kitchen bench. Ten ‘learner dispositions’, three possible ratings. I wanted our children to ‘actively participate in learning’ and ‘aspire to do their best’, but more than that, I hoped that they were kind. I wanted them to be good students, but more than that, good friends.

I skipped past ‘uses time effectively’ and ‘works well independently’, to ‘softer’ (and yet harder) skills: ‘responds respectfully’, ‘listens to others’, ‘works well in groups’. Were they working towards expectations? Meeting expectations? Exceeding expectations? But also: was I?

 

'I want to care more about my character than my productivity or performance, more about others than myself. I’m destined to fail. But I can keep ‘working towards expectations’. And at the end of every day, I can ask myself how well I have loved instead of how much I have done.'

 

If I cared more about the kind of people they were than how they were performing, what about myself? How would I evaluate my performance? And how would they evaluate me? I wondered, and then I dared to ask.

My 10- and 8-year-olds were all too happy, ALL TOO HAPPYto oblige. They didn’t hesitate when it came to working well independently and using time effectively: ‘exceeds expectations’. Apparently I’m also very good at working in groups (‘cos of all the time you spend with your friends!).

But in other areas, including listening to others, I was just ‘meeting expectations’. And when it came to responding respectfully, I was merely ‘moving towards’ them.

When pressed, they pointed out that I wasn’t always calm and respectful when things went wrong. I thought about my tone when we were running late; when I randomly declared a harmless mess intolerable; when my frustration about something they did nothing to provoke landed on them — they had a point.

I could be listening better too. I often felt frustrated when they seemed to ignore me, but how often did I tune their voices out?

Why is it so easy, I thought, to be a hypocrite? To say one thing, to think it, too, then blindly do another? To forget what really matters and fixate on what does not?

Why do politicians so rarely say they’re sorry, they messed up, before they are found out and they are forced? Perhaps they, too, forget to think not only about what they have achieved, but how they have behaved; about the kind of person they have been and want to be.

I want to care more about my character than my productivity or performance, more about others than myself. I’m destined to fail. But I can keep ‘working towards expectations’. And at the end of every day, I can ask myself how well I have loved instead of how much I have done.

I can also practise saying sorry, and dare to hope my failures really are forgivable; not because I am deserving but because I know, full well, that I am not.

 

 

 


 

Emma Wilkins is a Tasmanian journalist and freelance writer, and an Associate of the Centre for Public Christianity.

Main image: Young woman reflected in glass. (Klaus Mellenthin / Getty Images)

Topic tags: Emma Wilkins, Productivity, Self-assessment

 

 

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Existing comments

In a letter to his children, John Keats wrote “the stars through the window pane are my children.” That’s not about assessment but about love. We can strive to be good examples to our children, and others, and hope for forgiveness for our failures. At the end of the day, however, what is remembered is our vulnerability in revealing how much we treasure each other, warts and all.


Pam | 17 May 2022  
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Indeed. I’m 74, and the truth of this is only just beginning to dawn on me.


Joan Seymour | 30 May 2022  

I think life assesses you, Emma, but you must have 'eyes to see and ears to hear'. Your experience with your children shows you do possess those faculties. John Newton, the ex-slaver and author of 'Amazing Grace' had his eyes opened in a very big way and did something about it. We all have the opportunities in our daily lives. Sometimes this change comes from small, everyday events, at other times, it is dramatic. It depends on you and your situation.


Edward Fido | 18 May 2022  

I am going to try to follow my own advice too Emma. I remember that you mentioned how Tommy was keen to join the side of the markers and reporters and evaluate his mum’s efforts. You have written this piece from such a loving mother’s viewpoint. It resounded perfectly with the mother, wife, daughter, friend, teacher in me. Thank you.

Xx Deb


Debra Tozer | 18 May 2022  

Valuing “people for who they are, not what they do” are not mutually exclusive. We must use our five, two or one talents to the best of our ability, for we will be judged accordingly. Equally, we must love our neighbour as ourselves.


Ross Howard | 19 May 2022  

An inspirational article! Thank you, Emma. I am an old woman, still concerned more about what I do than how well I have loved each day. A delicious reframe, 'even at my age' xx


Maureen Helen | 20 May 2022